193

food,  and make certain remarks about the cook?   No--you  simply 
        praise the Lord some more.
        
             Traveling in evangelistic work, we eat many of our meals  in 
        restaurants  and  homes.   On one occasion we were  dining  in  a 
        fairly  nice establishment when I ordered a lovely salad.  I  had 
        taken but a few bites when I discovered hair in my mouth.  Before 
        long I found more hair in my mouth.  Then my fork lifted a  whole 
        wad  of woman's hair right out of the middle of my  salad.   What 
        did I do?  Why, by God's grace, I remained calm and undisturbed.

             It  is our reaction which reveals our heart.  It is  how  we 
        react to the little everyday things, when everything seems to  go 
        wrong, that tells us about ourselves.  Our response shows us  how 
        alive  Self is, for Self reacts.  But if Self is denied, one  can 
        be  joyous and victorious in Jesus through all experiences.   You 
        can say, "Glory!  Praise the Lord!" in spite of circumstances.
        
             Situations will occur to test us, to try our reactions.   We 
        were  dining  with two ministers and their companions  when  this 
        precious waitress came from the kitchen with a tray full of  food 
        and  accidentally  tipped it over on me.  Meat,  vegetables,  and 
        sauces  tumbled  down over the side of my suit coat and  onto  my 
        trousers.  "Praise the Lord," I said.
        
             She was extremely distressed and ready to cry.  "Don't  feel 
        badly," I told her; "it was supposed to happen."
        
             While  I was down on the floor trying to help clean  up  the 
        food  with  towels, the manager came out and  remarked,  "Say,  I 
        would like to hire you."
        
             "Oh,  I  have  done this before," I told  him.   "I  cleaned 
        floors  when  I was a boy.  These things happen to test  us."   I 
        kept telling the waitress, "Don't cry, dear one, this can  happen 
        to anyone.  Don't feel badly about it."
        
             When  things are hard, lift everyone around you.  The  self-
        denied life is taught this.  Don't be grumpy and grouchy,  making 
        it  difficult for people.  Some individuals, you know, can become 
        slightly irritable or harsh.  But we are to keep
        

194

our hearts filled with joy and victory.  We are to praise God  in 
        every test and trial.
        
             When  people are down-hearted and dark, praise God  and  let 
        your  light shine.  Remember the song, "Hold out your  light ye
        Heaven  bound pilgrims"?  Don't attempt  to  arrange places  and 
        events where your light could shine: merely let it shine brightly
        where you are.  Rejoice and claim the victory for Jesus right where
        you live, in little day-by-day struggles and trials.
        
             When  everything  goes wrong and nothing  seems  right,  God 
        wants  us to deny Self and the reaction of the flesh.  God  wants 
        us to die to that inner compulsion to complain, to retaliate,  or 
        to become angry.  He wants us to be inwardly crucified.  When the 
        bus  is  not on time, when the train does not  arrive,  when  the 
        plane  must  circle the airport for an hour, when the  car  won't 
        start--we are to "Rejoice in the Lord alway, and again I say,
        rejoice." 
        
             The factor which decides how we react to these situations is 
        what  we are in our hearts, whether Self has been denied or  not.  
        If Self is denied, it will be a dying, but this death will  bring 
        us to marvelous things.  This moment by moment death will lead us 
        to the glorious secrets of the hidden life in Christ.
        
             These  are  but  little things, tiny  situations  which  are 
        common to all men; but they can be used to prepare us for greater 
        assignments.  These are elementary lessons in the kindergarten of 
        walking with God to prepare us for responsibility in His  Kingdom 
        months and years in the future.
        
             It  will be only by God's grace that we can  react  rightly.  
        Self, you see, always reacts wrongly.  Self will come short of  a 
        Christ-like response.  We cannot praise God in ourselves.  But to 
        the one who has been obedient, God will send grace for the moment 
        and  give strength for the hour.  We cannot, because we can  only 
        fail.   But the Holy Spirit will undergird the trusting heart  in 
        the test.  He will enable you; He will be with you and keep  you.  
        Yes, He will!  Praise the Lord.
        
             In those weeks and months that God was slaying me in the
        

195

inner man, I was learning this.  All these reactions of Self  had 
        to be cleansed out of me before He could fill me with His Spirit.  
        If God had done otherwise, it would have been dangerous.  For Him 
        to pour His power into an uncleansed vessel would be like putting 
        high  amperage  electricity through weak and damaged  wires:   it 
        could possibly destroy the wires and burn everything around them.
        
             But when He baptized me in His Spirit, it was manifested  by 
        an  overwhelming love from the Father for all men everywhere.   I 
        believe that God wanted to send this same love to every heart  in 
        that community.  And because God was truly trying to work through 
        that  village,  Satan  was  raging.   Few  understood  what   was 
        happening,  but Satan was determined to destroy us and  what  God 
        wanted to do through us.
        
             As  I  walked through the streets of that village,  I  would 
        feel as if there were lions wanting to tear me apart.  The people 
        of the village were very precious, just as precious as any people 
        on  earth,  but the devil was raving to make them  upset  at  us.  
        When I stood to preach to my people, there was such love of Jesus 
        flowing  through  me  to them, but I felt as  if  some  of  their 
        spirits would tear me apart.
        
             A  neighboring  minister said to me during  this  time,  "If 
        people  felt  about me like they do about you, I would  move  out 
        immediately."
        
             But  I  told him, "Oh, Brother--God's men never run  from  a 
        battle.   When the battle begins to rage, God's men rejoice."   I 
        was  as  happy in the midst of this tempestuous  struggle  as  if 
        everyone were for me.  Now it takes Jesus to give such  happiness 
        and rest when all around you is misunderstanding and  discontent.  
        This is far beyond man.  It comes from God.  Praise the Lord!
        
             One person remarked, "I don't know what it is, but I want to 
        go  down to that parsonage and throw rotten eggs at it."   I  was 
        informed  by another friend that he feared some people would  try 
        to burn us alive in the parsonage.  The Lord told me, however, if 
        those dear persons would have started for
        

196

our  home  with this in mind that they would  never  have  gotten 
        there,  because God's angels were guarding us.  We were  unworthy 
        of this; but you see, it was out of man's hands.  We were in  the 
        hand of God, trusting Him like little children.
        
             What  had caused this great upheaval?  Why was much of  hell 
        enraged against a youngster attempting to preach the Gospel?
        
             I believe, dear friend, it was because of the Call which God 
        had  placed upon this unworthy servant's life.  I believe it  was 
        due to the claims of the Kingdom of Heaven declared upon me while 
        I  lay on my bed for days, when God was slaying me, working  with 
        me, and talking with me day and night.
        
             To  help you better understand what I mean by this,  I  must 
        share  with you an experience in heavenly things which I did  not 
        include  earlier.  I trust you will receive it  very  prayerfully 
        and with great appreciation, because it belongs wholly to  Jesus, 
        to the Kingdom of God.
        
             You  may recall that prior to this period of  inner  slaying 
        and  dying out to the world, I repeatedly told my wife,  "God  is 
        calling us to something.  I know that there is something that  He 
        is calling us to, but I am unable to discern exactly what it is."  
        I  knew  that  souls were being saved and  sanctified  under  our 
        ministry,  the Lord working through us; bodies were being  healed 
        and dear ones were pressing to obey Jesus; but somehow within  me 
        I  knew that the pastorate was not where God had called  me.   We 
        were  not striving to find out anything, we were simply  trusting 
        Jesus.   We  were not trying to work out anything, we  were  just 
        waiting upon God the best we knew how.
        
             It was on the evening of the day of the Holy Spirit baptized 
        me  that  I finally understood the sacred calling which  God  had 
        placed  upon  my life.  That night I was still very much  in  the 
        Spirit while in prayer upon my bed.  I was looking to Jesus  when 
        suddenly  I saw a saint of God standing before me in a  beautiful 
        light!  She was a praying saint.  "Jesus!" I
        

197

said.   "This is the Kingdom of God!"  I was so humbled and  felt 
        my great unworthiness before God.
        
             She vanished, and then there appeared before me a light  not 
        like the lights of this world.  It was rectangular, approximately 
        four  feet long and two to three feet high, like the frame  of  a 
        picture.  Within this border of light I then saw words written in 
        light.  To my amazement I read the words: "I WILL LEAD  THEE 
        BY THE HOLY GHOST."
        
             There  was other writing in light as well, but I  could  not 
        read it.  God withheld it.  All I could perceive was that God was 
        going  to  lead  me  by  the Holy  Ghost,  which  was  beyond  my 
        comprehension.  Think how serious this is!  I saw in light before 
        me  the message from God Himself: "I WILL LEAD THEE  BY  THE 
        HOLY GHOST." 
        
             The  other writing below was yet none of my business.  I  do 
        not try to find out what I am not supposed to know.  I only trust 
        for whatever He wants to share with me.  I am not worthy of  even 
        the  very least revelation He has to give.  It is only His  great 
        love and mercy that would ever permit me to know anything  again.  
        I  am so glad that He taught me at the age of twenty-six  not  to 
        try  to find out anything, not to press to learn  divine  things, 
        but  just to trust Him:  simply let Him teach me in His  own  way 
        and at His own time.
        
             When  I  saw  the message, "I will lead  thee  by  the  Holy 
        Ghost,"  I felt like Moses.  I cannot explain to you how it  was, 
        but through my head, throughout my body, I felt like Moses trying 
        to  get  the  children  of  Israel  out  of  Egypt--out  of   the 
        wilderness, out of their wanderings--into Canaan.
        
             Somehow God placed me into the life experience of Moses, and 
        I  was trying to get the church out of self-assertion into  self-
        denial and obedience; out of the continuous wandering amid  forms 
        and  programs  into a consecrated surrender to Jesus  Christ.   I 
        didn't know this inner revelation was going to occur, but I  felt 
        it throughout all my body.
        
             When this experience passed, dear friend, I was at once with 
        Jesus.  There was a great light above me, but high above
        

198

this was Jesus, the Son of God, the precious Christ of the God of 
        Israel.
        
             Suddenly  I was standing with the apostles of  two  thousand 
        years  ago, with the inner circle--Peter, James, and John.   They 
        had  already made the crossing to life eternal and were  standing 
        tall  and straight, but I had not yet crossed over.   Instead,  I 
        was pressed down with a heavy load upon my back.  I was bent over 
        with  the weight of the churches, the load of the world  upon  my 
        back.   I was trying to look up at Jesus, but I could hardly  see 
        Him because my load was so great.  The responsibility is so great 
        in  this world to help people be absolutely true and faithful  to 
        Jesus.
        
             (After  preaching one night in Saint Louis, I  noticed  that 
        the  pastor's wife was weeping.  At the close of the service  she 
        told me, "Rev. Helm, while you were preaching I saw a big  weight 
        upon your back.  I saw a load that you were carrying."
        
             (I  said, to her, "That great weight was upon me  the  night 
        God  declared  His call to me--the declaration of God to  be  His 
        Apostle.")
        
             As  I stood with the apostles of Jesus, I finally knew  what 
        God had called me to at the age of five years when He said,  "You 
        belong  to  me.   I will use you in my  Kingdom  someday."   (God 
        witnesses  within me now as I share this with you.)  I knew  then 
        that  the  Call  was sacred beyond all the languages  of  men  to 
        express.
        
             When  this  heavenly  vision vanished, the  powers  of  hell 
        surged  into  that room in torrents of darkness.  Demons  by  the 
        multiplied  thousands or millions (and the Holy Spirit  tells  me 
        "millions") were over my head and calling me things that I cannot 
        share  with  you.  In the next few years these  same  accusations 
        came through the lips of unbelieving people in various states.
        
             But I wanted to be nothing but holy unto God.  I desired  to 
        be  a  true man of God.  I longed to be  pure,  without  blemish, 
        without spot, without wrinkle.  I had to resist the devil with
        

199

all  my might.  "The devil is a liar," I said.  "I am going  with 
        Jesus Christ!"
        
             These demon forces came in upon me with great power and were 
        trying  to crush me.  It seemed as if they put me in a  vise  and 
        started  to squeeze me to death.  "You cannot answer this  call," 
        they hurled at me.  "It is impossible to answer this holy call."
        
             I cried out, "Oh God!--With all my heart I am coming!" 
        
             Satan  began to flood my inner vision with pictures.  I  saw 
        events  which he threatened would take place if I followed  Jesus 
        with  all my heart.  "If you follow God in this sacred  calling," 
        Satan told me, "your wife will be taken from you.  You will  lose 
        your babies.  You will lose your parents, your in-laws.  All  the 
        people will leave you."  There is no way to convey the horror and 
        hellishness of this satanic struggle.

             I  said with all my heart:  "Good-bye  loved  ones--good-bye 
        precious wife and children--good-bye Mother and Dad.  I am  going 
        with  you,  Jesus.   I am coming, God!  With all my  heart  I  am 
        coming with you, God!"  (Hallelujah! Oh, I feel the power of  God 
        operating all through me as I share this with you!  I'm not  just 
        telling  a story.  This is of the Kingdom of God.  I  share  this 
        only for the glory of Jesus.)
        
             I  had  to  say  good-bye  to  everybody  on  earth  and  to 
        everything  of earth.  Satan told me that I would lose them  all, 
        but  it has been the reverse.  If we go with Jesus, He will  give 
        everything we need back to us sweeter than ever.  I found it  so.  
        Praise the Lord.
        
             The  battle with the Powers of Darkness lasted for  sometime 
        that  evening, until God came in wonder to simply drive back  the 
        multiplied  millions of demons.  Since that night, much  of  hell 
        has been against my ministry.  From that moment till this,  Satan 
        has attempted to cast suspicion upon my life by spreading  rumors 
        and  whisperings concerning me, especially among church  leaders.  
        False stories about me began to circulate throughout the  states, 
        reaching as far as Canada.
        
             But by God's grace, I loved everyone just the same, and
        

200

still do.  The love of Jesus poured through me to all men  alike.  
        I  loved those who talked about me as much, if not more, than  my 
        friends.   I was not worthy of this marvelous love of Jesus,  but 
        He sent it through me anyway.
        
             God is to be praised for this.  He is the One we honor.   In 
        all that we share, it is only for the glory of God, the honor  of 
        Jesus the beloved Son, the praise of the blessed Holy Spirit.
        

201